Post Natal Depression:
Depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.
I literally don’t know myself. From being smiley, sarcastic, confident and fun, I’ve become sad, dark, angry and half arsed – because I had a baby….which apparently is supposed to be the most joyful experience.
I knew. The moment the midwife showed him to me, I knew. Something was very, very wrong. I know a lot of mothers say they had no instant rush of love and for the record, I think that’s perfectly natural. How many of you have fallen in love at first sight? Not that many…it takes time and getting to know one another for feelings to develop.
But for me, the world as I knew it imploded and black surrounded me. It wasn’t only the lack of affection and devotion…it was the opposite; of rejection and denial.
I had a perfect pregnancy – seriously…I’m sure people hated me. My life continued as normal and as a sideline, ‘oh, and I’m also pregnant.’ I was at the gym 3 or 4 times a week until my due date, 31st March when I was still attending my spin classes.
Labour – easy and quick. No traumatic birth normally associated with PND.
So what triggered it?
I still have no clue. But I’m living with it and I know a lot of women out there are too. Those who haven’t realised or don’t feel like they can tell anyone. Those who are scared of failing or not being the perfect mother. Those who are scared of their child being taken from them or those who are scared they may be the ones to harm their child.
PND is real and it’s scary and it should be recognised and acknowledged a lot more than it is now. I can only give my experience, but please if you are suffering, read this blog, watch someone fighting through the good and bad and pluck up the courage to start your own recovery. I salute you.